I doubt I have to tell any NBA fan just how important a personal brand is. Earning a nickname has long been a rite of passage for any player who hopes to achieve traction in this fickle league. Without one, players are doomed to never be featured in Twitter hashtags, /R/NBA memes, and never having their likenesses transferred onto 1-night-only t-shirts handed out at home games. In fact, the only NBA player of recent note lacking a nom de cerceaux who managed their own signature shoe is the now-retired Al Harrington, and it wasn’t with Nike or Adidas—it was with Kmart. So you can see the absolute necessity I’m preaching here.
I will be assigning nicknames in an earnest (and highly selfless) attempt to save some of the NBA’s brightest stars from being lost in the shuffle of time. I ask nothing in return for my intellectual property, except maybe season tickets or a cash bursary from Adam Silver himself.
It’s a mystery to me why the ultra exciting, ultra redheaded Griffin hasn’t managed to land on a good nickname yet. He’s been jumping over every European “rim protector” in the league for the better part of 7 seasons now. I’ve got a few suggestions for him:
1) Blanka – a grotesque vision no doubt, but the green humanoid from the Street Fighter series matches the animalism and electricity of Blake perfectly. Both wildly buff, both with shocks of red hair, both utter threats to equipment managers everywhere. Blanka Griffin is the untamable beast of the NBA.
2) Curly McClain – The charmingly naïve and handsome romantic lead of the stage musical Oklahoma! fits Blake to a tee…I assume. Admittedly I know nothing about this Hammerstein production, but Blake is originally from Oklahoma, has curly hair, and possesses the powerful baritone voice to make this ranch hand’s songs come to life on the NBA floor. Probably.
3) Canelo – Saul “Canelo” Alvarez is a handsome Mexican who really, really loves to punch dudes; so much so that he does it for a living. He owns the WBC Middleweight belt and has knocked out 34 of his 49 opponents in the ring. Blake “Canelo” Griffin is a handsome Clipper who really, really broke his hand punching one of his friends in the face; so much so that it sidelined him for all but 34 regular season games. These two are as good as twins.
C.J. is a nickname in itself right? But I can’t write about him looking like Urkel if you’re gonna let your “sound logic” get in the way—so can it for now. McCollum had a coming out party last season, both as a member of the Blazers backcourt and as a member of the media. He’s a grounded, likeable guy who plays every game like his last; and his nicknames reflect that, sort of.
1) Urkel – Noted poet and “Kardashian” Kanye West once claimed “Too many Urkels on your team, that’s why your wins-low”, but McCollum is here to dispel that. Now, it’s not exactly C.J.’s fault that he looks like the protagonist of ABC’s hit sitcom Family Matters, but I would like to thank him for it anyway. It’s made the following daydream possible for me: Game 7 of a playoff series. McCollum open with the ball, he sinks the shot and, while being rushed by his teammates, exclaims “DID I DO THAAAAAT???” like a man possessed.
2) The Worldwide Leader – C.J. has made it well known that he wants to work as a broadcaster or journalist as soon as he retires, let’s make the transition as easy as possible by giving him a nickname ESPN already has.
3) Stefan Urquelle – Stefan Urquelle is Steve Urkel’s hyper-cool alter-ego. He doesn’t do slapstick comedy, just looks cool and talks even cooler. C.J. possesses a bit of that sly dog himself, flashing 18 shots per game versus just 7 assists. We could have “Lillard Time” and “Boss Sauce” (the juice Urkel drinks to become Urquelle) on the same team.
It should be against the law to have a franchise center without a good nickname. No truly great big man has gone without one. I think he tried to call himself “The Big Penguin” a few seasons back; but that doesn’t make me want to offer him a max contract extension, so let’s give him some new choices:
1) Model A – This one was so easy and perfect I’m sort of upset that Detroit’s media team didn’t think of it on draft night. Playing in the cradle of motorized civilization grants you so much opportunity for cute car puns and stuff; you woulda thought “The Pistons” could have realized this one. I want to see t-shirts with a caricatured Andre Drummond in 1900’s driving goggles piloting a Ford Model A come opening night next season.
2) The Big Hoffa – Jimmy Hoffa is a famous Detroit teamster and known mafia affiliate who uh, went missing in 1975. But before he plundered his unions, went to prison for fraud, and (allegedly) got buried deep in the meadowlands of New Jersey (S/O The Nets) Jimmy Hoffa was a folk hero and an activist for the people of Detroit. 40 odd years later The Big Hoffa is doing the same for his basketball cohorts of Detroit. Plus, The NBA is simply more fun when somebody has a nickname starting with “Big”.
3) Sufuri – The word translates to zero in Swahili, which is super cool. That’s all there is to this nickname to be honest. Find a big bullying center like Andre Drummond and Google around until you find the coolest translation of his jersey number. Thank me later, Andre.
Lowry probably didn’t deserve a nickname for the first two thirds of his career. He was a pouty bench presence with a big ass, but not too much more. Since joining Toronto though, Kyle has been absolutely hooping. 3 All-Star nods and the rejuvenation of Toronto under his lead means it’s about time Kyle was assigned a cartoonish moniker that matches his attitude and playing style.
1) Killa Kyle – Kyle Lowry, (with DeMar DeRozan serving as his Juelz Santana) are here to bring glory back to Rap-Set. We need 1000% more mid 00’s hip-hop references in the NBA today, and there is not one more fitting than Lowry taking on Cam’Ron’s honorific. Whether he’s sinking threes off the bounce and slashing to the rack, or jumping passing lanes and taking charges—Kyle plays like a Killa.
2) Baby Phat – I hope you remember Phat Farm’s female clothing division Baby Phat from the early 2000’s ? Can I ask, who in the world hasn’t been mesmerized by the 6 foot point guard wheeling up court like a blur, only to be shocked once you he slows down and you see the ass he’s carting behind him? Who else at 6 foot can box out like Kyle? Nobody. It’s all in the Baby Phat, baby.
3) Pocket Dog – It’s no question that Kyle Lowry has the dog in him, but at his heights it’s sorta hard to imagine he’d equate to a pit bull or a bull dog. More fittingly, it’s one of those yappy purse dogs who nips at your ankles and somehow makes it to the Eastern Conference semis while in a shooting slump and a bad hind leg. Kyle has the soul of an extremely brolic Pomeranian.
All hail the always-coiffed white hope of The NBA. He’s athletic, handsome, and as of this year, an All-Star! After leading The Jazz into the playoffs as the 5th seed, for the first time since the 2011-2012 season, the time has come to grant Gordon a nickname to call his own.
1) Pomade – Hayward turned a corner a few years back when he ditched his (terrible) boyish bowl cut and came back with his now trademark slicked back ‘do. Seemingly impervious to the exhaustive nature of the 82 game season, this new hair is never not perfect, and has added 5.7 ppg to his scoring average. Pomade hair products are the main ingredient in Hayward’s continued improvement, and you cannot tell this fan otherwise.
2) Macklemore – Building directly off of his hairstyle, It’d be so lazy for me to not compare him to white “rapper” and fellow hair-boy Macklemore. Any white guy with slicked back hair can choose to be compared either to a Hitler Youth, or the Seattle hit maker. It’s really your choice, Gordon, I say double down on this and start showing up pre-game dressed in your grandpa’s clothes.
3) MLG – Hayward is a self-professed “gamer”, finding time between practices and haircuts to play StarCraft with Korean teens on his custom-built PC. MLG is a professional gaming league that hosts competitions to see who’s the best at competitive video games. Once Hayward’s ball playing career is all said and done, I hope we look back at him as a legend in two games, like Pee Wee Kirkland.
Lonzo Ball: The New Face of the Lakers
Lonzo Ball is the new face of the Los Angeles Lakers franchise. The new savior. The Big Baller Brand is now here to stay and LaVar Ball’s family’s future is set. But is that enough?
Lonzo Ball is a great kid and athlete who knows his talent will take him to another level. The major question mark that remains is whether or not he will take the Lakers there as well. He has the platform and skillset to do so, but with that comes the added pressure from the city and league to basically become part of the next version of Kobe and Shaq. It’s too strainful for a young kid—a rookie—to achieve.
Magic Johnson, the recently named President of Basketball of Operations for the Lakers, is taking an aggressive approach to get this team back into playoff contention his first year in. One of his first moves was sending D’Angelo Russell and Timofey Mozgov to the Brooklyn Nets for Brook Lopez and the 27th overall pick. Brook Lopez is definitely an upgrade at center, but has a couple of years already under his belt.
Lopez will provide a much needed veteran presence with a great IQ for the game at his position. The only downfall is that a couple of years under his belt doesn’t really transfer to great experience, but simply wasted miles on his body. He isn’t as quick as he used to be and doesn’t even rank in the top 10 centers in the league. In fact, Bleacher Report had him last season at exactly 15 out of the top 30 centers in the NBA. While he is has improved by adding the three-point range to his arsenal, there is no doubt that he is nearly past his prime, and although he can still contribute on a nightly basis, who knows how much and what effect it will have with Lonzo Ball running the point.
Ball has great court vision that has been often compared to that of LeBron James. Combined with his passing skills, he is a true PG with tremendous upside in the backcourt. With that being said, he will only reach a certain extent. His full potential is years from being maximized and people are buying into it early on. In fact, the pressure for him to lift a sub .500 team to the playoffs for the first time in five years is daunting.
These are Lonzo Ball’s stats during his rookie—and only—year at UCLA:
- 14.6 Points
- 7.6 Assists
- 6.0 Rebounds
- 1.8 Steals
- 0.8 Blocks
- 55.1 FG%
- 41.2 3P%
He did a tremendous job maintaining that statline and even added a triple-double in the NBA Summer League, earning him the Summer League MVP.
Don’t get me wrong, Ball seems ready for the challenge and is definitely a one-of-a-kind talent mirroring that of Steve Nash and Jason Kidd, but he is not an All-Star or MVP—at least, not yet. These way-too-early predictions that he is the Lakers’ new savior are farfetched. He has yet to face the elite NBA offensive threats and superstars that have been at it for 10-plus years. Defensively speaking he will not be able to keep up. Not in his first year. He still needs NBA experience and a more rounded roster to be able to reach the playoffs.
He is off to a good start, but being named NBA Summer League MVP doesn’t necessarily mean a spectacular season is coming as some think it does. Especially if you consider the previous Summer League MVP winners.
|2012||Damian Lillard (co-MVPs)||PG||Portland Trail Blazers|
|Josh Selby (co-MVPs)||PG||Memphis Grizzlies|
|2013||Jonas Valančiūnas||C||Toronto Raptors|
|2014||Glen Rice Jr.||SG||Washington Wizards|
|2015||Kyle Anderson||SF||San Antonio Spurs|
|2016||Tyus Jones||PG||Minnesota Timberwolves|
|2017||Lonzo Ball||PG||Los Angeles Lakers|
With the exceptions of Damian Lillard in 2012 and Jonas Valanciunas in 2013, the past five Summer League MVP winners have gone on to produce very mediocre NBA careers. All I’m saying is, don’t read too much into NBA Summer League. It’s the pre-preseason that no one really watches or cares about.
The NBA season is nearing—exactly a month away—and my somewhat harsh criticism of Lonzo Ball isn’t too cruel. I am just not ready to jump on the Ball bandwagon following LaVar’s prophecies of his son being the Lakers prodigal son. He won’t be. Again, at least not yet. He needs to earn his spot and the transition will surprise him his first year in. It will hit him hard, but, despite my concerns, eventually Lonzo Ball will become a future NBA All-Star and a daring NBA point guard.
Not yet though, and until then all we can do is prepare for his official NBA debut. Until then, we can enjoy and bask in his newly released rap single paying tribute to his little brother LaMelo Ball.
If the NBA doesn’t end up being his calling in life, at least he has a back up career in mind.
Carmelo Anthony has been traded away from the New York Knickerbockers to the Oklahoma City Thunder.
You probably knew this before you laid eyes on these words.
It honestly doesn’t matter much who the Thunder traded away for “Melo” and who the Knicks received, because they weren’t anywhere near Melo’s overall value. But, it matters that Melo himself is gone and away from New York City, and for all his accolades, he honestly had a major part to play in his exodus.
New York has agreed to a deal to send Carmelo Anthony to OKC for Enes Kanter, Doug McDermott and a draft pick, league sources tell ESPN.
— Adrian Wojnarowski (@wojespn) September 23, 2017
Melo altogether is a player that both outplayed and underplayed his own potential. No one that saw him at Oak Hill Academy as a high schooler could for-sure say that he’d be a superstar, and everyone that saw him at Syracuse University might say he was a can’t-miss by then.
And he didn’t miss on most of what he’s teased, he’s delivered in a lot of ways; but, the reason why he didn’t work out in New York was because he was selfish to a fault in the key places that required compromise.
Do you remember how he got to Kings County in the first place? He forced a trade to the Knicks from his then-Denver Nuggets, a team that was teasing with talent abundant, but not unlike today, stuck in the mighty Western Conference. With title contenders like the San Antonio Spurs and Los Angeles Lakers at that time of the NBA, the 2010–2011 season, the Nuggets just weren’t going to make the noise they wanted to make. Melo was a free agent-to-be at the completion of that season, and it was likely that he’d leave. His time with the Nuggets, a very successful time, had run its course. The change was coming, and he was catalyst to the change he wanted to see in his world. Nothing wrong with that.
The problem was that Melo didn’t want to wait for New York. He wanted New York then and there, and it didn’t matter how it was going to happen.
It didn’t matter that the Knicks weren’t in a position to compete for a title during that season, something he long wanted to bring to New York upon his eventual arrival.
It didn’t matter that the Knicks would have to gut their team’s best assets in a trade for the Brooklyn-born, Baltimore-raised native. It didn’t matter that if he waited until the season was over, he could be playing with a young and promising Danilo Gallinari, Timofey Mozgov (a revelation upon his arrival to the States from Russia), amongst others.
It didn’t matter that the Knicks would have to sacrifice draft picks for him, instead of keeping them upon signing later.
It didn’t matter to Melo.
And so, when he arrived in New York, in early 2011, he received the adulation and praise of a prodigal son. Sure, the team lost some valuable talent and depth, but surely Melo would will the Knicks into wild success — just like he did in Denver, right?
And sure enough, after he rebuked the Linsanity of 2012 when Jeremy Lin became an overnight NBA superstar and balked at the prospect of Lin’s resigning, he gained some success.
The 2012–2013 season saw Melo as the closest thing to being an MVP candidate that anyone had ever seen from him as a professional in an 82-game season, but not before being totally indifferent to former head coach Mike D’Antoni’s wishes for him to play more at power forward to stretch the offensive side of the ball for the Knicks and the defenses of the opposing league teams. D’Antoni quit before the end of the 2011–2012 season, because of Melo’s loathsome resistance to D’Antoni and the coach’s embrace of Lin.
A big aspect of Melo’s failure to bring glory to Manhattan was his resistance to doing what has made him a legend in USA Basketball. Having won multiple gold medals as a stretch-four shooter, that he refused to embrace that positioning as an NBA pro limited the ability of his teams to win.
As a four, Melo, who had gained grown-man weight from natural maturity and strength and conditioning, didn’t have to be the cavity in his team’s defense as he struggled as a man-to-man defender. Moving from his formerly-natural small forward slot could allow him to defend more ably and allow someone more fleet of foot to stop the dominant wings that Melo often matched up against. Becoming something different and better in a new place would’ve allowed him the opportunity to be greater than anyone had known him to be in an NBA uniform.
But, he refused and rebuked such a change.
And one last thing: Injuries and front office politics aside, Melo was loyal to the Knicks organization through and through. But, he had a choice to go.
So, to recap, Melo forced a trade to New York that gutted the talent of the roster, and then he refused to change to a position that would behoove him and the team in the journey to championship gain.
Well, he also had a chance to leave for greener pastures and become a Chicago Bull, where he could experience more success with a front office committed to his development and surrounding talent. He didn’t want to do that, and that’s fair. New York was home, but if he was going to win in New York, seeing as to how being the way that he’d always been wasn’t helping — that is shoot-first, ask questions and defend later — why return to The Big Apple if you aren’t going to change?
He saw what being a score-only wing was giving his teams — it gave his teams very little success for the vast majority of 14 years. Sure, his Nuggets and Knicks made the playoffs (not so much New York) much of the time, but he said he wasn’t playing for that.
In the end, Melo and the Knicks not working out could be seen before he even became a Knick, when Melo stomped his way out of Denver to play immediately for New York when it would’ve behooved him to stay put for two more months.
Championship or bust, they say.
He couldn’t really compromise too well for the chip, it appears.
In the end, Carmelo Anthony — despite years of league-leading jersey sales, runway appearances, and bright lights on the New York City streets with LaLa — was a big, fat, shining, New York bust.
Reloaded Raptors Banking on Young Guns
Masai Ujiri is a smart guy.
No matter which conference your team is in, you’re either stuck with the issue of figuring out how to combat/wait out the Warriors, or you’re stuck with the issue of figuring out how to combat/wait out LeBron James. For Ujiri’s Raptors, the latter is the elephant in the room. So when the offseason came, the club had some decisions to make that would indicate the direction of the franchise’s future, both immediate and long-term.
Ujiri and Toronto GM Bobby Webster were somehow able to re-sign Kyle Lowry for a three-year deal instead of the five years that Lowry desired, and then managed the same with Serge Ibaka. This effectively put the Raptors on a three-year timeline until the next big shift in the franchise. For these upcoming three years, the Raps will stay competitive with their tried-and-tested core, and they will simultaneously cultivate young talent around their stars.
It’s a great formula. LeBron is going to be 33 years old this December, and by the time Lowry and Ibaka’s contracts are up, he will be entering the twilight stage of his career. Suddenly, the East could be wide open again. Ujiri knows it, and he wants to be ready for it.
But what about the present? The Raptors lost a couple of their veteran role players this summer in the re-signing of their core, including Patrick Patterson (an advanced analytics darling), and P.J. Tucker (a terrific perimeter defender). The team also traded away DeMarre Carroll—who was never able to return to his Atlanta peak—to Brooklyn in order to shed his contract, as well as Cory Joseph to Indiana, who snagged them sharpshooter C.J. Miles—swiftly signed to a three-year deal, no less—as a return.
These changes have left the Raps with a squad that, outside of the starting lineup, is quite young. None of their bench players have played more than three seasons in the NBA, and their total average age is about 23 years old. A number of them have yet to see significant minutes, with Norman Powell, Delon Wright, Pascal Siakam, and newcomer K.J. McDaniels being the exceptions.
The regular season is a marathon, not a sprint, and the keys to racking up wins in order to put yourself in a good position come playoff time are chemistry and consistency à la the Spurs. If the Raptors are to continue their regular season success of the last few years, then they’ll need their young guns to step into formerly veteran roles and rise to the challenge.
Thankfully, a few of them already seem prepared to break out and have impactful seasons. Both Powell and Wright gave the team some fantastic minutes last year, especially in the playoffs. Norm in particular was a standout, putting the league on notice with his athleticism and tough defensive play. He was part of the best lineup the Raptors had in the postseason (a +5.3), and the team’s offensive rating shot up from 101.7 to 107.9 when he was on the floor compared to when he wasn’t.
In the first round against the Bucks, Powell went for 55/91/92 per cent shooting, averaging 12.4 points per game and torching his opponents. He was a key cog in helping the Raptors win that series and fully earned Dwane Casey’s trust, which is not an easy thing to do for a young player.
Wright didn’t get quite as much time to shine with CoJo being the primary backup point guard, but when he was on the floor he scrapped defensively and showed in flashes that he was able to run the team. His length and effort have been the two most noticeable qualities when watching him so far, and his nose-to-the-grindstone mentality is one that Casey must love.
Siakam is another high-energy guy, and good for a few minutes a game, although playing him for a substantial amount of time isn’t a great idea since he’s undersized and a below-average rebounder. Jakob Poeltl should get more run, and like Wright—though less frequently—he showed instances of strong play, both on the boards and around the basket.
Perhaps the two most interesting youngsters are the newcomers: Raptors 2017 draft pick OG Anunoby and K.J. McDaniels. Anunoby has been touted as an excellent defender, a grinder, and he already has an NBA body that should allow him to guard multiple positions on the floor. Unfortunately, he’s recovering from an ACL tear and therefore it’s possible he doesn’t even play this season. Still, this is the kind of player you get excited for as a fan and as a coach—he’ll likely be impactful right away, at least in one aspect.
As for McDaniels, he’s spent time bouncing around the league during his three seasons. He’s already played for Philadelphia, Houston, and Brooklyn, and has never had a chance to get comfortable. He’s another player with defensive potential—he’s got some pretty sweet block highlights—but has yet to find any sort of consistent shooting. If he can’t show Toronto something this season, he may be on the move again.
And finally, as we ask every year, is this the season when Bruno Caboclo breaks loose and starts going Brazilian Kevin Durant on the rest of the league? My answer: Unlikely. It may be hard to believe, but Bruno is still one of the youngest guys on the team at 21 years old. His time in the D-League—now the G League—can only be good for him, but his scoring dropped off significantly last season compared to the year prior, when he was putting up double-figure numbers almost every game. There’s still a lot of time left for Bruno to prove himself, and as such it’s tough to imagine that time being this season.
It’s difficult—though intriguing—trying to judge a group of players who don’t have an extensive NBA resume as of yet (I feel for you, Philly fans). Even if one has seen a player be productive in spurts, it’s impossible to know whether or not they’ll be capable of handling a bigger role long-term without actually seeing it. For the Raptors in particular, Powell is probably the only young player that the team has a good grasp on.
So let the experiment begin. Out of the frying pan and into the fire.
And remember: It’s all part of the three-year plan.
BIGS N smalls | The Break | Episode 11
Christmas Day Showdowns | The Break | Episode 10
Dads & Draft Picks | The Break | Episode 9
Progression is Power: On Social Justice in the NBA
Detroit Pistons talk with Duncan Smith — TWT 107
Christmas Day Showdowns | The Break | Episode 10
BIGS N smalls | The Break | Episode 11
Christmas Day Showdowns | The Break | Episode 10
Western Conference Preview | The Break | Episode 1
Eastern Conference Preview | The Break | Episode 2
NBA & More Mailbag with Josh Howe — TWT 102
Memphis Grizzlies Season Preview with Keith Parish — TWT 101
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